Friends and classmates may say they saw me walking down the street, blinked, and I was engaged. Then they shook their head and I was married. By the time they let out an exasperated breath, or rolled their eyes, I'm writing this blog post.
At times I feel the same way. It seems like a month or two ago Ashley and I were laying on a small patch of grass, catching up after not seeing each other for a month. It's late January, and life is a wash. Nothing has really gone to plan since I returned from my mission 7 months earlier. My baseball dreams dissipated, taking pills every day, finishing a 5-month construction stint--this is not the Richard Hall anticipated. However, it was the Richard Hall I was. In my life's wake, Ashley Vincent, longtime friend from Freshman year, greets me on an indiscriminate hill.
And we've been talking all 7 months. The Sunday after my return we had an hour-long phone call: old friends rejoicing that we could talk again. We planned a trip to meet up in Pocatello (of all places), I visited her during General Conference weekend, and even invited her to Thanksgiving at my place, because I knew her family lived far off. While in town for my friend's December wedding, I took Ashley to Temple Square. Each time we texted, called, visited, the area between "good friend" and "more than friend" got grayer and grayer, until that chilly night in Salt Lake, when at the time I called it quits on real dating and she didn't seem to be feeling it too, but I realized that I wanted to be her friend, a real, genuine friend. Because when you get to know someone that well, you want to always keep them around.
 |
| A great night, but a platonic night |
So here we are, plopped on some BYU property, simultaneously reminiscing and looking forward, and I'm being honest with her--I have no idea what my current life status is. All I know is that I want to know where I'm at. Being a 20-something was way too ambiguous for my taste, and I was fed up with it. I told Ashley I was ready to settle down, find more purpose. The feeling was mutual, but somewhat awkwardly not for each other. We had this unspoken understanding that our hook-up opportunity fatally passed. The cosmos declared us friend-zoned, and don't mess with the cosmos.
After some time we parted ways, and I walked away thinking to myself "whoever gets her will be a happy man, a good man."
...Surprise!
7 months over the hill, I'm the happy man. It did not look like this the whole time, obviously. I left that January meeting thinking I said goodbye to an old friend, not my future wife. Sometimes, I ask myself, "How did I get here?" It's an honest question, based on the fact that at the end of April I was buying a single-student housing contract. Now I've been married for most of August. Yeah, that's a change.
My peers and close ones know me as meditative, thorough, and calculated; most would consider my dating and marriage timeline the contrary. Ashley and I started dating in March and were engaged by late May to be married 91 days later. That's hardly enough time to smell the dating roses. But rather than revealing a passionate, impulsive mindset, it attests to how right it felt logically/emotionally/spiritually/etc. The process went faster and better than I imagined. After complete soul searching during early May we agreed to get married. I proposed a December wedding, to which Ashley craftily shot down, and before you know it, I am calling temples for August. Many parts of the relationship have gone this way: better, more convenient than imagined, and personally, it has proved our compatibility.
My Freshman roommate, and subsequently the man who indirectly introduced me to Ashley once told me his list for what he wanted in his future wife. It seemed long and particular, as is some icebreakers were deal breakers, and in contrast he viewed my list as too simplistic. It made me rethink what I truly wanted in my spouse. A few weeks later, I met Ashley. I'll admit, the wedding bells weren't ringing, but I also admit that I've never really used my "What I Want in a Girl" list. Like, ever. Probably because it's so short and inclusive. Ashley beats everything that I imagined. Her character astonished me. She was an excellent friend, but an even better girlfriend. Day after day I couldn't believe the discovery I stumbled I across: true love. It surprised me, and my life felt like a Buddy Holly lullaby
and before you know it the Beach Boys kicked in
Between my junior and senior year I discovered the quintessential album "Pet Sounds", and though my music education was limited, I realized this was one of the Greats. Songs like "Still Believe in Me, " "God Only Knows." "I Know there's an Answer." and yes, "Wouldn't it Be Nice" penetrated my hopeless romantic soul. I longed for someone I could equally cherish: the sober realness, the giddy anticipation, the incredible feeling love and life gives. I was 16 when "Pet Sounds" united with my soul, and I had considerable work to do before I reached these euphoric highs. I was mature, but not mature enough to be married. Compatible, but not that compatible. Understanding, but not really.
Five years later, I feel much different, but still fairly incompetent. I suspected one day I'd achieve this bliss, but so quickly, and clearly? It caught me off guard. I felt like I wasn't ready. All of my roommates were engaged when I started dating Ashley, I didn't want to come off as anything but sincere, far from replicated. Love felt dangerous, failure seemed likely.
While I am understanding, compatible, and mature, I'm not "marriage-ready." Honestly, there was a stretch after my mission where I felt I wasn't "life-ready," but that's not how you know you're ready. Ashley gave me an attribute that surpasses any other--Faith. She makes me feel like anything is possible, and I feel the same way about her. I trust that whatever happens will happen, and she will still be at my side. That's what a role model, good friend, loved one, and Ashley is all of that. As sappy as it is, she is all I need. And you know what, I'll take it when I can get it. When you find something this good, you do whatever it takes to keep it. So I married the crap out of her.
My peers and close ones know me as meditative, thorough, and calculated; most would consider my dating and marriage timeline the contrary. Ashley and I started dating in March and were engaged by late May to be married 91 days later. That's hardly enough time to smell the dating roses. But rather than revealing a passionate, impulsive mindset, it attests to how right it felt logically/emotionally/spiritually/etc. The process went faster and better than I imagined. After complete soul searching during early May we agreed to get married. I proposed a December wedding, to which Ashley craftily shot down, and before you know it, I am calling temples for August. Many parts of the relationship have gone this way: better, more convenient than imagined, and personally, it has proved our compatibility.
My Freshman roommate, and subsequently the man who indirectly introduced me to Ashley once told me his list for what he wanted in his future wife. It seemed long and particular, as is some icebreakers were deal breakers, and in contrast he viewed my list as too simplistic. It made me rethink what I truly wanted in my spouse. A few weeks later, I met Ashley. I'll admit, the wedding bells weren't ringing, but I also admit that I've never really used my "What I Want in a Girl" list. Like, ever. Probably because it's so short and inclusive. Ashley beats everything that I imagined. Her character astonished me. She was an excellent friend, but an even better girlfriend. Day after day I couldn't believe the discovery I stumbled I across: true love. It surprised me, and my life felt like a Buddy Holly lullaby
and before you know it the Beach Boys kicked in
Between my junior and senior year I discovered the quintessential album "Pet Sounds", and though my music education was limited, I realized this was one of the Greats. Songs like "Still Believe in Me, " "God Only Knows." "I Know there's an Answer." and yes, "Wouldn't it Be Nice" penetrated my hopeless romantic soul. I longed for someone I could equally cherish: the sober realness, the giddy anticipation, the incredible feeling love and life gives. I was 16 when "Pet Sounds" united with my soul, and I had considerable work to do before I reached these euphoric highs. I was mature, but not mature enough to be married. Compatible, but not that compatible. Understanding, but not really.
Five years later, I feel much different, but still fairly incompetent. I suspected one day I'd achieve this bliss, but so quickly, and clearly? It caught me off guard. I felt like I wasn't ready. All of my roommates were engaged when I started dating Ashley, I didn't want to come off as anything but sincere, far from replicated. Love felt dangerous, failure seemed likely.
While I am understanding, compatible, and mature, I'm not "marriage-ready." Honestly, there was a stretch after my mission where I felt I wasn't "life-ready," but that's not how you know you're ready. Ashley gave me an attribute that surpasses any other--Faith. She makes me feel like anything is possible, and I feel the same way about her. I trust that whatever happens will happen, and she will still be at my side. That's what a role model, good friend, loved one, and Ashley is all of that. As sappy as it is, she is all I need. And you know what, I'll take it when I can get it. When you find something this good, you do whatever it takes to keep it. So I married the crap out of her.
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